Seriously lah. I love my family so much for fuck?
Each time I feel guilty for going out often, something will happen and make me lose it again.

I. hate. staying. home.

Instead of going out today with the people that will surely make me happy, I went to my grandparents' place. Very good. Since I felt guilty for not going to visit my grandparents for the past few weeks cause of my friends' birthday. (They coincidentally all fall on a Saturday.) I go there, everyone say me, bla bla bla. Go there for what sial. Make myself unhappy yet have to shut the fuck up just because of my status there. Fuck.

I went home and discussed with my mum about my Peer Leader camp which clashes with my taiwan trip. My flight is at around 1pm of 21 dec, and also the day 3 of my PL camp so I told my mum I will be back late on the day 2 of camp but she said she will not fetch me home. Wtf much? So yeah okay, I said I'll be home first thing in the morning, 21 dec. She said no. I told her I won't be late cause we're surely gonna wake up early for camps what right? It's not like it's a stayover or what and I might oversleep. Then I said, "well latest 7am?" And guess what my sister said, "Hello!?! what if you miss the bus or what." Me: "Miss the bus from 7am to 1pm?" My sister: "-nothing to say- Erm ya, why not." And my mum said "THEN DON'T GO LAH!??! People ask you go then you must go meh."

I know I shouldn't go already but everyone knows I like the PLs cause they make me really happy so I really really really want to go for the camp. Okay whatever then I figured out myself that I should just cab home on 20 dec night by myself since she doesn't care. So I didn't think about it anymore.

Then she came to disturb me by saying "OI, now you sleep very late already lor? Use comp for 10, 20 hours also nobody care you already right? Now got back up liao hor? I chase you out also got people willing to let you stay at their place already ma."

Hello? Just because that day I was at bukit panjang and it was too late so Robi's mum offered me to stayover at her place. Though I said no cause my parents wouldn't allow but she insisted. She talked to my mum over the phone and she agreed. Now she thinks I have no self discipline and uses Robi's mum as my back up. Notice the "and she agreed." She agree already then come kpkb for what sial.

Ya lor, I no self discipline lah, also nobody care me. Hahahahaha, yup I got bad friends, bad influence lah, everything also jie jie best lah. I should have figured that out earlier.

I really give up already. Fuck care. You don't want me to use comp for too long? Ok sure. I go out everyday,  won't touch computer already, yay. Not like I wanna see you like that. Zzz. I'm not saying I hate my parents, but I just don't like staying at home now. They keep talking about me to other people in front of me. I bet my mum hopes I'll get the hint and change. But now that she already think that of me, it's really "YA I BAD YA I SUCK YA JIE JIE BEST YA YOU DISLIKE YA I SCREWED UP MY LIFE"

And nobody understands. My life is bad enough already and now I have to go home to face all this shit. I know everyone has been acting cool by saying "FML" but really ah, Fuck my life.